Absence

So I have been away for quite awhile but I wanted to check in and say I'm alive. I'm down to 449.1 lbs and dropping. It's slow going due to ,y struggle with diabetes, pain and other issues but it's coming off. I finally started seeing a Dr but that was short lived. He told me in front of my toddle I was going to die. "Not die like we are all going to die someday but die soon" ... said if I didn't take my meds I would die then discontinued them all. So I'm seeing a new Dr and that's going ok other than the fact she has been trying to push the gastro on me from day one.

Things have been rough. My vans dead so we have no way of getting around. We live on the line of 2 cities so not much is within my husband's walking distance. So that's been hard. Been fighting depression again. In August I signed up for nail tech school as that's been a passion of mine forever. Its been hard. I've finished everything only 26 hours left but I missed this week due to issues I'm having and the fact my favorite instructor passed away suddenly Wednesday which has been rough. And my panic attacks have gotten worse but now i cant figure out what is triggering 75% of them.

One last thing! Its been 4 days since I smoked a cigarette. And 3 days before that I only had 1 per day. I'm finally ready to commit to quitting once and for all! Stress and all! <3

Well I just wanted to post an update. I need to Start blogging again and holding myself accountable. I miss blogging as it helps me so I think I need to start blogging again! Missed you all! <3

Wearing myself out

Man these past couple months have taken a toll on me mentally and physically! I can't wait to get on a solid routine that works for us. I've been up all night working on stuff and brainstorming new ideas for some things. I have been coming up with some great super healthy, fast, cheap, and easy recipes as well. I am working on starting a DIY healthy FB page and have been so excited to do it, just haven't had the time yet. The main reason I want to start this page is so I can keep all my ideas, recipes, and awesome DIY things I find in one place, organized so they are easy for me to find. Not to mention I don't have to worry about losing it on my computer or call phone if it crashes lol And I can share my ideas with anyone interested! I have so many things that go through my mind 24/7 that I want to do but can't due to lack of time. There's something in my life that I put all my heart into that I am very passionate about that I am going to need to slow down on in order to have time for my family and myself. One day I'll figure out a happy medium. Here it is 5:30 in the morning and my child is wide awake and I still have about 20-25 hours of work left to do on what I have been working on. I'm anxious to see at the weigh in this month if the numbers went up or down. There's been so much going on that I have been overwhelmed and stressed beyond belief. But my eating has been so much better and I have been a lil more active. Still not active enough but I'm slowly working my way back up there. I was so busy tonight I forgot about walking again. This coming week I'm going to the dollar store and getting more poster board to hang up an help me remember. It will also help me keep track of how much I did on what day and see my improvements to help keep me motivated. I'll be back on after I finish up what I'm doing and get some sleep. There's so much more I want to blog about! :)

Trying to get back on track

So I haven't went to sleep yet. I have been working all night on some stuff and have a ton more to do. My sleep schedule is so crazy. Hopefully soon I will get it back to normal. So yesterday I ate healthy but during the night I completely forgot to go walking. My son was acting out and having a rough night so it was stressful. But I am sitting here rocking and blogging! :) slowly getting back on track. I have a Dr appt soon that I am looking forward to. I have put off my health again and now I'm paying for it. Hopefully they can figure out what is going on with me.

On to another subject the depression that I had got a pretty good handle on has came back full force!! Its a horrible daily fight again just to drag myself out of bed when I wake up. Sometimes I don't get outta bed til I have been in bed for 12-18 hours. My antidepressants were doubled and it still doesn't seem to be working. I have obligations now so I can't not win these battles or I end up completely overwhelmed and to the point I will shut down completely. I need to get to the root of my problems and find out what is triggering these horrible emotions. I never fully understood true depression til I had it so bad I couldn't function and I would sit there balling my eyes out talking to my husband and mother asking why I was feeling that way and why I couldn't pull myself out of it. Now I truly understand real depression and how it can effect people so strongly. Its like I go to war with my mind on a daily basis. I can be feeling good and start crying for no reason. I just get this overwhelming sad, upset, scared, hurt feeling that takes over all my thoughts. I can not wait til I can get this under control and be back to my normal happy loving cheerful self again!

Daily struggles can be so hard to overcome.. but you know what? I know I can overcome it! And I know soon I will! I'm trying to get my family on a routine that works for us so that should help. I'm a systems person so the more organized I am the better I will do. Well, I think its time to see if I can catch some Zzz's before my son wakes up lol I'm sure I'll post again later this evening when I wake up :)

I always wanted to say something before I hop off. THANK YOU to those of you out there that read my ramblings and support me! I love you all so much! That's a huge reason I started blogging again to! The support and positive comments help me out more than I could ever express! So thank you for not being mean and judgemental and thank you for your support! <3

Flour-less Pancakes?!

Do you love pancakes but wish you had a flour-less option for them? Well ... I have the recipe for you!!! I made these for the first time the other day and I absolutely LOVEEE them! I will post the picture as well :) SO for these all you really need is
1 Banana
2 Eggs
That's all! Pretty easy huh! Blend them together cook like pancakes and you are good to go :) You can customize them as well. You can use 3 egg whites instead of 2 eggs, you can add a natural sweetener (they are pretty sweet by themselves though so try it without first) you can add your favorite protein powder, you can add blueberries or oatmeal.

The ones in the picture that I made are as follows:

1 Banana
2 Eggs
1/2 Scoop of my Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Powder

(Blended in my magic bullet)
Cook ... Just like pancakes

For topping instead of syrup I added a Tablespoon of Greek yogurt and some sliced apples on top! Yummy!

Update...More to follow tonight

I was letting depression get the best of me again when I stopped the other day and started thinking. I need to get my head out of my ass. I know how hard the depression and anxiety is to deal with but WHY am I still letting it control my life? I was doing great and then slowly but surely fell back into the pit of depression. I didnt know what was causing it or why I was back to being that depressed so I had to get to the root of it and figure it out. After having a day long pity party with myself I decided it was simple. I needed to get my head out of my ass and no one could do that for me. I needed to stop making excuses for myself and start trying and pushing my limits. I will not lie depression is HORRIBLE, one of the hardest things I have ever had to try to fight. And for a long time it consumed me soooooo much I was to the point of questioning why I was even living.
One a great note we have been going to the YMCA to do swimming and I got a Polar FT4 heart rate monitor and some bathing suits!! Swimming is so amazing  I feel so alive in the water! And I have been getting my anxiety under control slowly but surely which is HUGE for me! I did something the other day i was SOOOO proud of! I walked through a Walgreen's for 30mins through the WHOLE store and then did it again later in the day!!!!!! I couldn't even get through the front door of the store before I would be in so much pain I would have to stop and sit back in my car not that long ago and now I can walk through the whole store!!! I will be posting a few more posts tonight. I got behind on my posts because I was letting the depression get the best of me. If you are out there and you feel hopeless or ike you cant do it, know you CAN! <3 Prove yourself wrong ;) If you need someone to talk to message me on facebook!

Personal Account: http://www.facebook.com/encourage.lynn
Weight-loss Journey Page: http://www.facebook.com/onamissionformyself

FitBit?! :)

Have you all heard of it? I have always wanted a body bug like they have on the biggest loser but I found something I want more! I have been researching the FitBit and think I may need to save up and get me one! :) I think it would be great motivation for me!! Plus the FitBit One that I want tracks sleep patterns which will allow me to learn how to sleep better! If you have used one I wanna know what you think! I'm excited!! I think I might be able to save and get one in a few months!! :)

Encouragement and Tips!

These are photos I came across on FB and the internet that I thought were great info and encouragement  I hope you all enjoy them as much as I do and keep all these tips in mind as I find them very helpful! :)