Showing posts with label will power. Show all posts
Showing posts with label will power. Show all posts

Monday, December 23, 2013

Health worries

It's been a few days since I've blogged. There's been a lot going on. My Dr put me on new meds and I've been trying to get into school while fighting the depression and pain. I had a bout of insomnia now I'm back to just wanting to sleep 24/7 which I've been trying to fight but losing. Can't keep my eyes open. Well there's one thing that has been worrying me though. I haven't been able to afford to eat healthy and haven't been act much at all yet I'm still losing weight which is not normal for me. Normally I'd be ecstatic but it kind of worries me. I need to look a few things up and see if my Dr will run some tests on me. There's no way possible I should still be losing. I expected to gain quite a bit at that appointment. Some things not right and I can feel it. Hopefully its nothing serious. I will be completely done with school soon. Only have like 15 hours left to put in and I'll be done. I'm exited. I finally accomplished something! But I really do need to get my health in order. Its really scaring me. I'm on day 15 of not smoking and proud! Just hope its not to little to late. I'm staying positive and believing everything happens for a reason and my job here is not done :) I just am praying I start feeling better soon

Friday, March 8, 2013

Digging Deep

There are days that we will struggle with temptation, with cravings, with our emotions that lead to not so healthy choices. I struggle everyday. I don't want anyone to think I come on here pretending I am perfect because I am FAR from it. ♥ What has helped me with these struggles (and I don't always win the fight) is stopping for a second and thinking of how far I have come. Even though my journey has just started and I have a long way to go.Think about how you feel now compared to before you started your journey. Feel those days where you felt like you could take on anything and you were on top of the world! KNOW those days will start coming more frequently :) Think of and picture yourself at your goal, how will you feel then. Set small goals (steps) and continue to climb them. Don't let anyone or anything push you down those steps! Hold on to the rail and keep climbing! If you need someone to stand behind you and push you reach out and ask for help ♥ Don't be ashamed! Don't let anything stop you from reaching your goals. Sit back and think of why you started, why you decided to do it. I have started making a motivation collage. This will be hanging in my room, for those days I lay in bed fighting with myself just to get out of bed. This journey will be a bumpy road. But don't take your eye off the mile markers along that road, don't take your eye off the destination. When we hit those bumps we have 2 choices. Are you going to let that bump stop you in place and make you come to a halt. Which in turn will make it harder to overcome that bump. Or are you going to stay focused and just cruise right over that bump? The more times we fight or inner demons and over come small goals, the easier it will be to conquer the next one. When we conquer these goals, we are showing ourselves how much self worth we have and start having more faith in our choices and actions. I needed to write this because I have been having a hard time myself and I got off track last month. I turned that bad day into a bad week then into a bad month. Could I have quit? Of course I could have. Did I quit? No I didn't! I had to take time to figure out what was going on in my head and why my I was letting the negativity win. Now I am back and fighting with my fists up! This month I will prove to myself how much of a fighter I am! Let your inner fighter out and push yourself ♥ I feel amazing today, this is one of those moments I will use when I am feeling down, like I can't fight anymore. I will think back to right now and just remember how amazing I feel, and know I will feel that way again soon ♥

Friday, January 11, 2013

Fighting the Depression Demon

So as you see I have been off for awhile. I have been battling with some severe depression that I let get the best of me. It was completely my fault though. With all the sleep schedule changes that have been going on I have forgot to take my meds for like the past week. Including my diabetic meds. NOT good and I totally feel it. I am back to the point I just want to sit in my room all day and sleep and that is what I was so proud that I was able to get past. I should acknowledge the small accomplishments that I have made and keep pushing forward no matter how I feel, but I let the depression win. I am here to take responsibility for wat I have done and from here on out promise myself I WILL try harder and KEEP pushing through! I have made a Facebook page so I can post on there as well ad find some support groups. If anyone is interested in that the link is

http://www.facebook.com/onamissionformyself

I am looking for any support and encouragement! On a good note I went into Walgreen's the other day and actually walked through the WHOLE store!!! This is such a HUGE step for me! I was hurting soooo bad but I pushed through! I wasn't able to stay for check out, my hubby had to stay and do that for me but I was able to get through the store! So as I end this entry I want to share some awesome pictures that I found but this is not cooperating! lol So I will figure it out on post them in another post :)


Friday, December 28, 2012

Mixed feelings

You would think after losing almost 50lbs you would feel great! But not me :/ I just feel worthless. I keep trying to make these feelings go away but I'm having a difficult time. It's 4am where my mom lives and i decided to call her while I was outside smoking trying to keep myself from having a mental break down. All I want when I talk to my mom is to here her says she's proud of me. Tonight she did and was telling me how great I'm doing and to fight the feelings I'm having. For some reason I'm still feeling down. And usually knowing she's proud of me would make my day. I sit in denial thinking, "oh I can stand to cook and clean, I can do this and that but I'm just lazy" to make myself feel better and trick myself into thinking that I'm not immobile. But yesterday when it came down to a serious situation, that didn't even require a lot of physical movement, I was unable to even do that little bit. So all this trying to fool myself into thinking I'm just lazy was totally shot down, and made me realize what little I'm really able to do even pushing myself as far as possible. I kept telling myself that all I need to do is lose 50lbs and once I do that I'll be a ton more mobile and without so much pain. Realistically I think now its going to take 100-150lbs loss before I really start getting some mobility back. I really wish it didn't feel like I was fighting a loosing battle.

On a good note, I've been really wanting to quit smoking but didn't have the money to afford the gum or anything else that would help aid me in quitting. I talked to my husband and he is wanting to quit to. So I got on the internet and started looking and found a quit smoking site that I was able to sign us both up on. What's great about this site is they pay for ALL the nicorette you need to quit smoking! For free! I ordered him the lozenges and myself the gum and they will ship the first 2 boxes of each off by next week. I'm excited to actually be able to give my all and quit this time and have the help of a nicotine aid! I can't wait for them to arrive! Our quit day is set to January 16th! This is going to be hard, I've been smoking for 15 years but I know if I try hard, I'll be able to kick the habit! I'll be posting able that journey and things I'll be doing to help fight the cravings on here as well. Well, I just felt like jumping on and blogging about the feelings I've been having since it seems to be helping me get through it.