Health worries

It's been a few days since I've blogged. There's been a lot going on. My Dr put me on new meds and I've been trying to get into school while fighting the depression and pain. I had a bout of insomnia now I'm back to just wanting to sleep 24/7 which I've been trying to fight but losing. Can't keep my eyes open. Well there's one thing that has been worrying me though. I haven't been able to afford to eat healthy and haven't been act much at all yet I'm still losing weight which is not normal for me. Normally I'd be ecstatic but it kind of worries me. I need to look a few things up and see if my Dr will run some tests on me. There's no way possible I should still be losing. I expected to gain quite a bit at that appointment. Some things not right and I can feel it. Hopefully its nothing serious. I will be completely done with school soon. Only have like 15 hours left to put in and I'll be done. I'm exited. I finally accomplished something! But I really do need to get my health in order. Its really scaring me. I'm on day 15 of not smoking and proud! Just hope its not to little to late. I'm staying positive and believing everything happens for a reason and my job here is not done :) I just am praying I start feeling better soon

Got off track and took some time off

I have been away for awhile. There has been a lot going on and a lot of stress. First off when ended up having to move April 5th. Our landlord failed to pay his mortgage for quite sometime even though he told us not to worry about it because he took care of it and the house went into foreclosure and was auctioned. We were given 2 weeks to move once it auctioned. That was extremely stressful! I had a friend visit for a month and as much as I love her that was stressful as well. I fell off the wagon for over 2 months. The first month I didn't lose any weight but didn't gain. And when I went to weigh in last month I had my friend come in with me because my pain has got worse again, I wasn't eating healthy and knew I had probably went back over the 500lb mark. To my surprise, not only did I not gain weight but I lost 13lbs! I was in complete shock!! I will take it though! I think I lost weight due to stress. But its not something my body normally does? I usually gain weight when I stress! I am getting soooo close to that 100lb mark!

On a great note the new place we moved to has some downsides but the upsides make up for it! We have a gym here, which I can't wait until I am cleared by my Dr to do. I'm not sure if I blogged about it but I posted about it on my FB page. I tried out big girl zumba which is a much lower impact zumba. Well I was wearing my heart rate monitor and after less than 5min my heart rate was about 170 and I felt like I was going to pass out. I emailed my Dr in California that I've seen since I was a kid and she asked me if I was trying to give myself a heart attack. She said absolutely no aerobics that are out of the water until I get more weight off. I even have to be cautious with walking due to how high my HR goes. But we have a pool here!!! A real pool!! And it opens on the 31st! And it has decent hours! 8:30am-10pm. I can't wait til it opens! Plus its only like 20ft from my porch lol. I am setting up a monthly chart in my living room I'm hanging on the wall. I'm going to start charting the exercise I do daily and any issues I'm having. I have started rocking chair aerobics and it seems to be working good. I'm having some serious female issues right now so no swimming for me. We have a basketball court about 100ft from my porch with a couple park benches. So late at night I am going to start walking to and from the bench so I can rest when I need and see how many times I can do that each night. Along with an hour of rocking chair aerobics. I started a my fitness pal because I like how the phone app is set up but I REALLY miss calorie count. So I think I might switch back. The support on there is amazing. Even though the android app is horrible
I have been having more health issues so I finally figured out my insurance and have an appt with my new Dr in a couple weeks. My blood sugars have been sky high for no reason. My pain has increased so much its almost unbearable and a few others things have been getting worse. I'm hoping I get some answers soon though.

I wish I would have made more time for my blogging and not got away from us. It helps me a lot. I don't think I'm going to stop anymore regardless what comes up. Also what's awesome about rocking chair aerobics is during the rocking part of it I can sit here and blog. And anytime I want to blog I can rock and keep my blood and fluids pumping :)

I took a few steps back in my mobility. I can still go in a small store (YAY) but the pain and anxiety is back even if I'm only in there for a couple minutes. I think walking at night to and from the basketball court will help a lot though!

Also the depression is back in full force!! :( I haven't had a good day in months! I try and fight it as hard as I can and sometimes I'm able to and I try to make the best of my day and sometimes I lose horribly and end up sleeping for 12-18 hours and then only getting up cause I finally push myself hard enough to get out of bed. With the summer coming and the sun being out more I'm hoping that helps some with my depression. Vitamin D is good for that! Well ... I think I made quite the post so I will stop while I'm ahead so I don't bore anyone reading this more than I already have lol Look for a lot more updates as I will be back to blogging at least once a day but most likely more!

Current Official Weight!!

It's been a little while since I have posted. The stomach bug hit the house and all was bad! Thank god we are all feeling better now. Then yesterday I stepped out onto my back porch and slipped on invisible ice and busted my foot and knee up pretty bad. Yesterday was also the official weight in for the weight loss challenge. I swear everything in this universe was trying to keep me from joining! I finally decided I was going to go even though I was in pain over the fall. Let me tell you I shed SOOOO many tears today! I almost gave up more times then I could count! To start it off, I parked where the signs said the challenge was, and decided to try and face my anxiety alone. That was hard! Everything was icy everywhere and the only shoes I have are bedroom slippers. Strike 2. Well I get up to the table to register and I'm told that's where the weigh in is and I have to follow the cones around the hospital to register first. Strike 3. Just walking around the hospital was more walking than I was able to do but I pushed myself. I got to the outside of the doors and had to sit down on the bench because I was in so much pain. Had problems catching my breath, heart was racing, I was hurting but I was able to hold it together and hold in the tears. Once I rested for a few minute's I got up and proceeded to go inside. Strike 4. I thought the registration would be right inside. But nope. I had to follow the orange shirts down this hall and that hall, up this steep walk way and that. Not to mention it felt like it was 300 degrees in there. I kept fighting with my mind that kept telling me to turn around and forget it, its not worth it. But I made it there! Once I got there, there was chairs at the top of the stair case going down to registration and I had to sit, well collapse and catch my breath. I was in much more pain then the walk to the front of the hospital and much harder to breathe. I couldn't hold back the tears this time. I sat and broke down and cried. I don't think I have felt that kind of pain ever. But... I'm soooo proud of myself I got that far! My friend came back to save me because I left my ID in my vehicle and started having a panic attack. Then needed a ride to get my picture taken and get weighed in. I'm so grateful she came back to help me!

So!!!! My Official Weigh In for January 26th is... *drum roll*

462.4lbs! That's means in total I have lost 53.1lbs!!!!!

And starting today I will be kicking it up a notch! :)

Stats! (a little late)

 So I wanted to record my stats on here as a way to keep track of my progress and see how far I have came. I started this journey on October 21st and my starting weight was 515.5 lbs! I was to the point I just wanted to lay in bed 24/7 and wait until the day I die came, because I knew at the point I was at and the health problems I have that it wouldn't be long. I would cry in fear knowing that I wouldn't be around to watch my son grow up. I felt horrible for my husband and on many occasions told him that if I were him  I would leave me because it's not fair to him to have to take care of me. I was at the point were everything felt hopeless and felt there was nothing I could do. I am not even 30 years old yet and to the pint I'm not mobile other than being able to walk to my vehicle and that was pretty much the extent. Not to mention the excruciating pain that my whole body (my back is the absolute worst!) is in 24/7. When you get to that point what do you do? I couldn't go for walks to get exercise  pretty much nothing. Just walking like 10ft to the bathroom and my heart rate was that of someone who just ran a marathon. My pulse at rest is over 150 24/7 if you can imagine how the slightest physical activity spikes it up. Ok well I sat here last night fighting with myself to post this so I think I just need to do it and own up to what I have done to myself.


Weight as of 12/24/2012:
473lbs

Measurements:

Calves - 21 inches
Thighs - 32 inches
Biceps - 21 inches
Elbow - 14 inches
Hips 74 inches
Waist - 71 inches
Chest - 76 Inches
Above Chest (under arms) - 60 inches
Neck - 21 inches


Ok I have listed them, now I just have to press publish :/ I am beyond ashamed but I am who I am and by next year and the year after and so on I will become the person that I want to be! :)

Weight Loss Challenge?!?!?!?! Ummm YES please!

Ok so I'm beyond excited right now!!! I have been passing this billboard in town here for weeks and have been putting off taking down the number and finding out what it is all about. Well today as I was looking up membership info to Anytime Fitness since we have one right down the street from where we live I found that I can get a 14 day free trial pass to see if it's something that I want to invest in if it would benefit me. Wellllll I found that the site that I wanna join, has a Facebook page and on that Facebook page they had all the info on the weight loss challenge! So I decided to take a look and check it out. After reading all the info and seeing the requirements ect I think I am soooo going to join!! Its $45 and it starts January 26th (first official weigh in) It ends July 16th and here are the prizes! 

$5,000 for 1st place percentage lost
$2,500 for 2nd place percentage lost
$750 for 3rd place percentage lost
$1,000 for 1st place pounds lost
$500 for 2nd place pounds lost
$250 for 3rd place pounds lost

Ok I'm not a genius but from the weight that I'm starting at I have a pretty decent chance at winning on of the most pounds lost. I mean, I'm not just joining to try and win but you can bet your butt that will help keep me motivated! My friend is also going to join with me so that will help as well. I took my measurements and weight yesterday and will be posting that in another post late on tonight after I finish last minute wrapping all his presents. I can say that as of today I have lost 45.5lbs! I had gained 8lbs back a couple weeks ago but have managed to take that back off and a few extra pounds! I am VERY proud of myself!! And this has been done strictly with healthy eating. I think I might have posted in another post that I'm limited currently mobility wise currently due to my weight. I am beyond ashamed of how bad I let myself get, but today is a new day and what I do today will determine the future that I am building for myself and my family. I just wanna be around to watch my son grow and be able to play with him and join school functions when he gets older and all the stuff a normal mother is able to do. Which at this moment I am not currently able to do and it completely break my heart! The small things in life everyone takes for granted ... shopping, showers, walking, standing, cooking, cleaning, changing a diaper ect is not something I can take for granted. It is a challenge each time I have to do anything including getting out of bed in the morning. I am in constant severe pain all over due to my weight and I'm unable to even stand for more than a couple minutes anymore. But I can say that I am on the right path to get my life back on day at a time. This will be a long slow journey but will be the most rewarding thing in the end! I'm hopping off to get the presents wrapped but I'll post shortly about my all my starting and current info so I can have all that recorded as I make progress I can look back on it. 

Sleep Schedule

I need to flip our sleep schedule. It's so hard remembering meals and meds when you wake at 2-4pm and head to bed at 4-6am. By the time we wake up our roommates are having dinner and heading to bed so it sucks. It would be nice to spend time with them during the day instead of being awake while they are asleep. I'm working on getting my measurements, but my son has been fussy so I'm hoping we can get him to bed soon and take care of that so I can blog it all tonight. I stopped by the store tonight and picked up some vitamin B-6 that I'm going to start taking in hopes that it gives me a slight energy boost. I take my multi vitamins everyday but I think one B-6 might help. I'm anemic so I was wanting to get some iron but they didn't have any that was on my budget. I think that's a big reason I'm always tired as well. Today my eating was great pretty much all veggies and a little fruit besides a little turkey and ham on my salad and a hard boiled egg. Sad thing is its 2am and its about "dinner" time for us. I just wanna go to bed but know I probably wont fall asleep forever. I keep telling myself I'm just going to stay up all night and day then go to bed at a normal time, but by the time we get our son to sleep there's no hope of me getting back outta bed lol. Well, going to attempt to put our son down early, wish me luck!

Mmm Temptations

Today was kind of rough on me due to the fact I give into temptation easily thinking, I can cheat a little today and start fresh tomorrow which also turns into "well since I'm cheating today I shouldn't worry about anything I eat" and then I feel I can do the same the next day and so on. I'm a sucker for pizza and today my friends bought papa johns pizza (my weakness...  mmm the butter garlic sauce!) And I was sooooo tempted to eat some. I know everything is ok in moderation, but I knew that where I am at on my journey right now 1 slice would have quickly turned into half a pizza. So I decided to take my hubby to the store and have him get me a few fruits and veggies. Man that pizza is still sitting there calling my name. And every time my husband walks by me he's eating a piece of pizza, or bread sticks, or Christmas cookies, or has a big bowl of cookies and cream ice cream... Ughhhh!! Lol why do we crave the things we know we shouldn't or cant have? Like, before I was diagnosed with diabetes I could care less about sweets. Now that I know I shouldn't have them I crave them BAD! Almost as bad as pregnancy cravings! No fun lol On another note... I keep reading how drinking 8 glasses of water helps keep you full ect. It doesn't help me a bit. I'm constantly drinking water (20-30 cups a day) and lately I feel hungry 24/7. Well its 4:40am and I'm in extreme pain so I'm going to try to get some sleep! :) Night

High Expectations

I'm sitting here kinda bummed hoping people would magically find my blog, hopefully be interested, and leave comments of support and encouragement. I need to remember that I haven't told hardly anyone about my blog and I tend to ramble so I might not get many people that are even interested in reading my blog. I hope in the future someone that chooses to read this, might be interested in my journey and want to be here and support me :) I haven't did a post yet of my weight, how much I have lost yet, when I started my journey or anything else but I promise I will soon. Until I hit 100lbs lost I wont be posting about my blog on my social media sites as I'm VERY ashamed of how bad my weight became. Once I hit 100lbs lost I'll be continuing blogging a lot but I also will be starting a YouTube channel and doing a daily video where I can talk and express things better and feel more connected with my supporters and hopefully encourage other people that are sitting at home feeling completely hopeless and like giving up that it is possible to get your life back and live instead of feeling like your already dead and living on borrowed time, as I still do but know I'm going to prove myself wrong and be here to watch my child grow up! Which is the main reason I have started this journey. If anyone is indeed reading this please feel free to comment as I would love any tips, encouragement or support :) if you would like to see my food log ect feel free to find me on caloriecount.com my name on there is onamissionformyself :)

Just don't wanna get outta bed? Me either!

Ahhh sleep lol yes it took me forever to fall asleep but let me tell you I could sleep non stop if I was able! My sleep schedule flipped again so I'm asleep for the better part of the day and up at night. I had it fixed for a little over a week then one night staying up flipped it. Having my schedule flipped makes it much harder in my head to say "hey its time for breakfast ect.." so I get hungry because I forget to eat when I'm supposed to, take my meds and vitamins late because I forget. Just overall confuses my clock. You would think that since I'm normally a night person I would be used to it, but nope, I'm not. Plus I just received a literal book in the mail regarding my insurance that starts next month an its quite overwhelming. I need to see a Dr asap to get stronger meds for my newly discovered diabetes since I'm only on glucophage because I was waiting for the test results to confirm the diabetes. Since the results were much worse than I expected my old Dr emailed me and said I need to figure out how to see a Dr here before my insurance kicked in cause I shouldn't wait and said I'll be most likely needing insulin and at least on other pill to help control it. I wish I had a way to check my blood sugar, I'll hopefully have a way soon if I can afford the monitor and strips. Also I'm diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. I refused meds for years up until recently because I was was able to control it for the most part. Unfortunately in the last year it has gotten so bad that it controls my life. And I finally gave in and asked for meds when I was able to see my Dr last month. The depression meds have helped quite a bit and I've been starting to slowly make progress. :) I have a long journey not only physically with the weight loss but also emotionally with my other equally as hard issues.

Managed to get in what I Needed

So after resting for a few from the pain and being able to get outta bed for a few hours I was able to meet 1,200 calories for the day. Its quite a bit less than my profile says I need to eat but I feel quite full and managed 15 glasses of water today. The water was on the low side, I usually drink 20-25 glasses a day. Its sooooo cold here and I have to keep my room like an ice box in order to sleep so maybe that's why my pain has been so much worse? Also I have had a non stop annoying headache all day which isn't usual? Well I'm off for the night, hoping to fall asleep within the next hour! :) Can't wait to blog tomorrow. This has really emotionally helped me along with the calorie counting. If anyone's reading, I hope you all have a great night and sweet dreams and PLEASE be careful going out tomorrow I case some people decide to do crazy things! <3

Hmm? Ever felt afraid to eat?

I'm sitting here and its 8:45pm and I've only managed to eat under 700 calories. I was diagnosed with severe uncontrolled type 2 diabetes recently and I need to do more research about it so I don't feel so bad eating. I'm trying really hard to eat healthy but at the same time I have to figure out how to eat healthy with uncontrolled diabetes that at the moment I'm not even able to monitor. I'm in so much pain still and so tried for no reason I'm debating on heading to bed for a nap. I wish I didn't feel so worn out all the time I have absolutely no energy anymore. Even when I'm eating enough or to much I have no energy. I think that it might be due to all the other health issues I'm having. I could sleep 24 hours a day if I was able to. Do you ever lay down to go to bed but cant fall asleep for hours because you are afraid if you fall asleep you wont wake up? That's how I am. I'm terrified of going into diabetic coma or having a massive heart attack I live everyday in fear of dying. I HATE living in fear and letting it run my life! One day at a time I will take control of this fear and not let it ruin my life. It's going to be a process but I will get there!

The start of my long journey!

So this is the first post of many that I will be making! :) This post will be short as I'm laying in bed in a lot of pain. I have a headache and I'm assuming due to the cold my entire body is killing me to the point I can barely move :/ Well to start off I'm a 28yr old female that was recently given a wake up call by my Dr. I knew I had more health problems than just my weight just didn't know it was as bad as I found out it was. After finding out I cut all sodas out of my diet (I'm a complete soda addict!) And ended up losing 40lbs in about a months time. My severe depression, agoraphobia, and anxiety got the best of me and I ended up falling off the wagon per say. My friend told me about caloriecount.com and let me tell you that was an eye opener lol btw that is an AMAZING site to get the help and support to succeed! Its not just for people wanting to loose weight either its for people needing to loose, gain, maintain, or help battle eating disorders! Totally recommend it! :) For anyone who decides to read this you will get to know me over time in my posts as I'm a very honest and open person and will be holding myself accountable for my over eating, binge eating and emotional eating. For now I'm going to take a nap because even laying here typing on my phone is killing my arm lol til I post again! :)