So I haven't went to sleep yet. I have been working all night on some stuff and have a ton more to do. My sleep schedule is so crazy. Hopefully soon I will get it back to normal. So yesterday I ate healthy but during the night I completely forgot to go walking. My son was acting out and having a rough night so it was stressful. But I am sitting here rocking and blogging! :) slowly getting back on track. I have a Dr appt soon that I am looking forward to. I have put off my health again and now I'm paying for it. Hopefully they can figure out what is going on with me.
On to another subject the depression that I had got a pretty good handle on has came back full force!! Its a horrible daily fight again just to drag myself out of bed when I wake up. Sometimes I don't get outta bed til I have been in bed for 12-18 hours. My antidepressants were doubled and it still doesn't seem to be working. I have obligations now so I can't not win these battles or I end up completely overwhelmed and to the point I will shut down completely. I need to get to the root of my problems and find out what is triggering these horrible emotions. I never fully understood true depression til I had it so bad I couldn't function and I would sit there balling my eyes out talking to my husband and mother asking why I was feeling that way and why I couldn't pull myself out of it. Now I truly understand real depression and how it can effect people so strongly. Its like I go to war with my mind on a daily basis. I can be feeling good and start crying for no reason. I just get this overwhelming sad, upset, scared, hurt feeling that takes over all my thoughts. I can not wait til I can get this under control and be back to my normal happy loving cheerful self again!
Daily struggles can be so hard to overcome.. but you know what? I know I can overcome it! And I know soon I will! I'm trying to get my family on a routine that works for us so that should help. I'm a systems person so the more organized I am the better I will do. Well, I think its time to see if I can catch some Zzz's before my son wakes up lol I'm sure I'll post again later this evening when I wake up :)
I always wanted to say something before I hop off. THANK YOU to those of you out there that read my ramblings and support me! I love you all so much! That's a huge reason I started blogging again to! The support and positive comments help me out more than I could ever express! So thank you for not being mean and judgemental and thank you for your support! <3
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