Still trying

I have so much on my mind. I need to find a way to clear my mind and have a fresh start. Do you ever feel that way? What do you do to cope with it? I have millions of ideas flowing through my head, tons of DIY ideas to save on money, tons of senseless worries and fears ect. I need to learn hope to cope with these things and not let them eat at me. My Nicorette came in the mail, my quit day is set for the 15th (3 days from now), but man, I don't know how well that is going to go. I am going to try but I think I might need to give myself a few more day to fully get out of this depression to ensure that I give it my all. I used to have so much to do when I would get online and now I get online and my mind goes blank. There is so many things I can do, yet cant even think of one when I get on. I'm slowly trying to pull myself out of this hole. This deep dark depression hole my mind has wandered into. At times I wish my husband paid attention to more than his phone and games or at least pretended he was listening when I try to talk to him. I think if I stick to blogging I can get through this, but it sure would be nice to have someone to talk to that cared. Well until the next post! Bye!!

Fighting the Depression Demon

So as you see I have been off for awhile. I have been battling with some severe depression that I let get the best of me. It was completely my fault though. With all the sleep schedule changes that have been going on I have forgot to take my meds for like the past week. Including my diabetic meds. NOT good and I totally feel it. I am back to the point I just want to sit in my room all day and sleep and that is what I was so proud that I was able to get past. I should acknowledge the small accomplishments that I have made and keep pushing forward no matter how I feel, but I let the depression win. I am here to take responsibility for wat I have done and from here on out promise myself I WILL try harder and KEEP pushing through! I have made a Facebook page so I can post on there as well ad find some support groups. If anyone is interested in that the link is

http://www.facebook.com/onamissionformyself

I am looking for any support and encouragement! On a good note I went into Walgreen's the other day and actually walked through the WHOLE store!!! This is such a HUGE step for me! I was hurting soooo bad but I pushed through! I wasn't able to stay for check out, my hubby had to stay and do that for me but I was able to get through the store! So as I end this entry I want to share some awesome pictures that I found but this is not cooperating! lol So I will figure it out on post them in another post :)

Humiliated

Have you ever felt humiliated? Ugh what a horrible feeling! I swear I will be posting my stats soon it's pretty much typed up I just have to push publish but I'm fighting my inner demons with it. I'm embarrassed,  humiliated, ashamed ect and it's proved harder than I thought. I even went out of my way to set this up so only a select few people know that's it's me. I know I need to take responsibility for my actions that got me to this point and hold myself accountable, but its humiliating. Plus regardless of continuing to lose weight the daily pain I'm in keeps getting worse it seems the past few days. I just want to sit and cry for hours I'm in so much pain sometimes but have to hold it in so my son doesn't see, because when he sees me cry it really affects him. If only this constant pain would go away this journey would be much easier. I'm still not to a point where I can walk more than a few feet still either. Well, I'm laying in bed trying to get the pain to stop so I can at least sit up for awhile so I'm going to lay here fight my inner demons and publish the other post when I get up.