Absence

So I have been away for quite awhile but I wanted to check in and say I'm alive. I'm down to 449.1 lbs and dropping. It's slow going due to ,y struggle with diabetes, pain and other issues but it's coming off. I finally started seeing a Dr but that was short lived. He told me in front of my toddle I was going to die. "Not die like we are all going to die someday but die soon" ... said if I didn't take my meds I would die then discontinued them all. So I'm seeing a new Dr and that's going ok other than the fact she has been trying to push the gastro on me from day one.

Things have been rough. My vans dead so we have no way of getting around. We live on the line of 2 cities so not much is within my husband's walking distance. So that's been hard. Been fighting depression again. In August I signed up for nail tech school as that's been a passion of mine forever. Its been hard. I've finished everything only 26 hours left but I missed this week due to issues I'm having and the fact my favorite instructor passed away suddenly Wednesday which has been rough. And my panic attacks have gotten worse but now i cant figure out what is triggering 75% of them.

One last thing! Its been 4 days since I smoked a cigarette. And 3 days before that I only had 1 per day. I'm finally ready to commit to quitting once and for all! Stress and all! <3

Well I just wanted to post an update. I need to Start blogging again and holding myself accountable. I miss blogging as it helps me so I think I need to start blogging again! Missed you all! <3

Progress

I have been slacking with my blogging. I need to make sure I blog everyday at least once. I have been setting goals and daily goals for myself so I will be adding on blogging as a daily goal! I have a bunch of things I would like to blog about and update everyone on :) It is early in the morning and we are up eating breakfast (make sure you eat breakfast! ;) ) and getting ready to head to the YMCA!!! Yesterday I decided I was going to have an amazing day because I was going to make it amazing and let's just say I rocked it! I will do a post on yesterday when I get back from swimming. I have a large NSV (non-scale victory) yesterday and I am SO proud of myself! I want to show everyone my progress so far. I took a picture when I was 30lbs down and one the other night at 60lbs down. Man I wish I would have taken a pic at the VERY start of my journey but it is ok :) So here is a picture, this was the BIGGEST step for me to post it on my FB page as it is a public page on a social media site. I did this to myself though and I needed to take responsibility for what I did. I will be back on to finish blogging after I get in some swimming and an water aerobics class, I will also be posting my new goals that I am aiming for! :)

Update...More to follow tonight

I was letting depression get the best of me again when I stopped the other day and started thinking. I need to get my head out of my ass. I know how hard the depression and anxiety is to deal with but WHY am I still letting it control my life? I was doing great and then slowly but surely fell back into the pit of depression. I didnt know what was causing it or why I was back to being that depressed so I had to get to the root of it and figure it out. After having a day long pity party with myself I decided it was simple. I needed to get my head out of my ass and no one could do that for me. I needed to stop making excuses for myself and start trying and pushing my limits. I will not lie depression is HORRIBLE, one of the hardest things I have ever had to try to fight. And for a long time it consumed me soooooo much I was to the point of questioning why I was even living.
One a great note we have been going to the YMCA to do swimming and I got a Polar FT4 heart rate monitor and some bathing suits!! Swimming is so amazing  I feel so alive in the water! And I have been getting my anxiety under control slowly but surely which is HUGE for me! I did something the other day i was SOOOO proud of! I walked through a Walgreen's for 30mins through the WHOLE store and then did it again later in the day!!!!!! I couldn't even get through the front door of the store before I would be in so much pain I would have to stop and sit back in my car not that long ago and now I can walk through the whole store!!! I will be posting a few more posts tonight. I got behind on my posts because I was letting the depression get the best of me. If you are out there and you feel hopeless or ike you cant do it, know you CAN! <3 Prove yourself wrong ;) If you need someone to talk to message me on facebook!

Personal Account: http://www.facebook.com/encourage.lynn
Weight-loss Journey Page: http://www.facebook.com/onamissionformyself

Christmas!

Wrapping those presents took WAY longer than expected! But they are all finished along with chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate I made for the kids! :) This year we are blessed to have another family here with us. I think I'm more excited to record them opening presents and watching their faces light up then the kids are getting ready to open them! Lol I have the blog started on the computer with the stats, but need to wait until tonight to finish and post it. I can say as of today I have lost 45.5lbs! It still hasn't registered in my head as I cant see much of a difference, but my sweats are starting to not stay up on my butt lol Looking back on where we were and what we had last year compared to this year makes me cry! We have came so far and I'm so proud of my husband and I. I can't believe we are having a Christmas this beautiful! I Thank the lord for that, as he has blessed us with the hard work we put forth to get here. And the fact we have our own place to live finally is an amazing feeling! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas everyone! And remember to cherish every moment you have to spend with your loved ones as you never know what tomorrow brings! And don't take the little things for granted, look at all the beauty life is in itself :)