You would think after losing almost 50lbs you would feel great! But not me :/ I just feel worthless. I keep trying to make these feelings go away but I'm having a difficult time. It's 4am where my mom lives and i decided to call her while I was outside smoking trying to keep myself from having a mental break down. All I want when I talk to my mom is to here her says she's proud of me. Tonight she did and was telling me how great I'm doing and to fight the feelings I'm having. For some reason I'm still feeling down. And usually knowing she's proud of me would make my day. I sit in denial thinking, "oh I can stand to cook and clean, I can do this and that but I'm just lazy" to make myself feel better and trick myself into thinking that I'm not immobile. But yesterday when it came down to a serious situation, that didn't even require a lot of physical movement, I was unable to even do that little bit. So all this trying to fool myself into thinking I'm just lazy was totally shot down, and made me realize what little I'm really able to do even pushing myself as far as possible. I kept telling myself that all I need to do is lose 50lbs and once I do that I'll be a ton more mobile and without so much pain. Realistically I think now its going to take 100-150lbs loss before I really start getting some mobility back. I really wish it didn't feel like I was fighting a loosing battle.
On a good note, I've been really wanting to quit smoking but didn't have the money to afford the gum or anything else that would help aid me in quitting. I talked to my husband and he is wanting to quit to. So I got on the internet and started looking and found a quit smoking site that I was able to sign us both up on. What's great about this site is they pay for ALL the nicorette you need to quit smoking! For free! I ordered him the lozenges and myself the gum and they will ship the first 2 boxes of each off by next week. I'm excited to actually be able to give my all and quit this time and have the help of a nicotine aid! I can't wait for them to arrive! Our quit day is set to January 16th! This is going to be hard, I've been smoking for 15 years but I know if I try hard, I'll be able to kick the habit! I'll be posting able that journey and things I'll be doing to help fight the cravings on here as well. Well, I just felt like jumping on and blogging about the feelings I've been having since it seems to be helping me get through it.
Good luck. Make a plan and try to set small goals and acknowledge when you succeed!
ReplyDeleteYou wrote: "You would think after losing almost 50lbs you would feel great! But not me :/"
ReplyDeleteYay for 50lbs! You might not be feeling great, but look how it's changing your way of thinking! You go girl! You're getting healthier in more way than one every day!
50 pounds is a great accomplishment, only 50 more and you will see a ton more mobility, so don't stop now. You are feeling worthless because you are overwhelmed with where your life is now--stop seeing the bad, start looking for the good. You must be strong enough to do some things--celebrate your strength for that. You lost 50 pounds, that's quite an accomplishment, but you feel like "gee, I lost 50 pounds and look at me? So much more to go." That feeling overwhelmed--but that is because you are thinking of the time, the long road ahead, the gap of work ahead of you, 2 years? What if I give up, what if I fail? What if I lose 100 pounds and just gain it back? When you start feeling like that give yourself a good slap--I usually slap myself on the wrist and tell myself to 'snap out of it!' I remind myself of how strong I am: I take care of my daughter, I an an accomplished baker, I can modify recipes, I am strong enough to do many things--you know what you have that is good, concentrate on that. Then don't look at the long road ahead cut it up into tiny, reachable pieces. Start with the day--today I will eat 1500 calories, drink 8 glasses of water and learn how to cook fat free. At the end of the day you will see you accomplishment and feel good! Tell yourself at the end of the week, you are going to sugar free, or fat free or mayonnaise free or chocolate free--and when you are you will feel good about yourself. In six months, if you keep these goals accomplished you will drop 100 pounds or close to it and guess what you will feel good! Have you ever had somebody tell you they wanted you to trust them and you couldn't because you have been burned by them so much you just can't trust them? The truth of the matter is you could probably trust them again, but they have to earn your trust. By setting small goals and accomplishing them, you are earning your trust in yourself back, you are realizing that you can respect yourself and trust that you will do what needs to be done. Stop putting yourself down, young one, and start lifting yourself up.
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