Determination

I hate bad news! Been fighting this depression and I'm still not to a point where I feel like I can stay up without feeling down. Not sure why I'm not able to kick this feeling but I am trying to. I'm excited for the 26th when the challenge starts, but I've been slowly talking myself out of doing it. I need to figure out how to keep myself motivated and positive and not let this depression keep me down. I have so many ideas, plans, ect in my head but with where I am at right now I am not in the mindset to follow through. I wish I had more support from my husband, but I guess I need to work with what I have. Where do you find your motivation? What helps keep you going? I need to sit down and start making small goals I keep saying it and haven't done it yet. It's hard to sit here all day fighting with yourself to stay awake and not just sleep your life away. Especially when you are in a ton of pain constantly.

I've been sitting here all day thinking about the past jobs I used to do and miss being able to work. Being able bodied. Just feeling alive. I can't wait til I'm back at a point like that. I truly miss working and I'm the type of person that likes to take care of their family, and its hard not being able to right now. I used to be addicted to working and have had a job since I was a kid. At some points I worked 3 jobs at once. Man I miss working! I find myself looking for jobs on Craigslist for myself getting all excited then remembering I'm not able to work ant breaks my heart. Hopefully by sometime next year I will have enough weight off go get around like a normal person.